GACKT’s Fucking Stupid Stories Number 12

Bzzzz Bzzzz Bzzzz…

…Yes, anyo anyo… [Korean phone greeting]

What, you?

No, no,
I don’t hate you or anything.

You just call me all the damn time.

And everyone’s always blabbing about the same stuff
so I’m getting fed up with it…

“You can do ikebana too!” [ikebana= Japanese flower arranging]
Even, you’re going to say that…


I’m going to say it frankly…
I’ve hardly ever done ikebana.

And I don’t like real flowers that much.
I’m not good with them…

It’s just that, on that show,
I manged to skilfully express my own image.

Really, give me a break.
At first,
when I saw all those flowers,
I was thinking,


To think I’d be arranging flowers for the first time at this age…

I’m really not good with them.
You know, right?

I hate getting my hands dirty!


Even with foods,
there’s nothing I can’t eat.
But, you know, right?
I have a lot of things I WON’T eat.

That’s right.
It’s like I’m always saying to you,
I hate food that gets all over my hands.

What are you saying?
It’s not about the taste.

I just don’t like getting my hands dirty.


I like the taste of mandarins.

But I really hate how my fingernails feel
after I stick them into the mandarin.

No matter how much you wash your hands,
the yellowish color from the mandarin
stays on your fingernails, right?

That’s what I hate.

There are lots of other examples.


I don’t eat fruit much
because most of them you have to peel yourself…

Am I a child?

Shut up!
I know that.

I just really hate it.
So why don’t you peel the fruit for me?

I never said that I won’t eat it.


You’ve never told me to say “ah”, right? [As in, “say ‘ah’ and open your mouth so I can feed you”]

Stop it, it’s weird.
You wouldn’t like it if I did it, right?

Give me a break.

You want to do it?

Don’t ever say that again.
I really hate having that done to me…


Is there anything else I hate?

I’m not saying they’re things I hate.
Just things I won’t eat.

Don’t misunderstand me.

Things I won’t eat are…
for example…
crab and large shrimp…

Isn’t it weird though?
It’s a food you have to crack open with your hands to eat!


No, no,

I’m saying I really hate it…

Rather than whether it tastes good or not,
I can’t understand working with that grimy feeling all over your hands
in order to eat it…

And when you pick crab out of the shell,
it looks like the bits your eraser leaves behind on the page!


A long time ago before a tour,
my manager looked at me not eating crab, and said,

“Since you won’t shell the crab yourself,
I’ll do it for you,
so eat it all up!”

What he placed in front of me looked like eraser scraps
no matter how I looked at it.


Since then,
I haven’t eaten crab at all.

Hey, hey…
You laugh too much.

Look at it from my point of view.
Even elementary school bullies don’t make their victims eat eraser shavings!

Really, give me a break.


the only seafood I’ll eat even if it gets my hands dirty
is clam, maybe?

Even then, I don’t want to get my hands dirty if I can help it.
I like to eat them with chopsticks…
But sometimes I screw up and it slips out of my chopsticks,
and the juice goes on my t-shirt
and it ruins my entire day,
you know?


English translation: Moon Struck