GACKT Official Blog update. Translation below:
Today was my first complete off day in a long while.
To me, it’s a truly blessed thing to be able to wake up in the morning and think “Hm, what shall I do today…”.
Anyway, I had tea while watching the scenery from the terrace.
It looks like I can finally relax in Manilla.
「Hmm, since it’s a break I guess I’ll take it easy!」
I thought, immediately changing into my training outfit and heading to the gym instead of resting.
Well, I suppose you can call it a daily routine.
Training everyday isn’t something that I think too much about. You won’t be able to continue on if you train with such emotions. Because this isn’t that much different from brushing your teeth. If you can treat it like this, you’ll definitely keep it up everyday without a question.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been flying around between countries, and maybe it’s also because I kept sitting in planes for long periods of time, but during these 4 months,
I could barely recover from my flu and the condition of my body has continuously been a mess.
Perhaps the air in Bali the other day worked. But I finally got better. And now, while I’m in Manilla, I’m fasting and and fixing up my body since I’ll be starting filming for a movie when I get back to Japan. I have to make things go smoothly.
This month has been hectic.
On the 3rd, I hurried back to Japan for one of my band members’ birthday lives. I leapt onto stage to surprise him. On stage, it was really great to see him so happy that he was on the verge of tears. Before I know it, its been almost 20 years that we’ve been working together.
On the 4th, I had rehearsals for the graduation ceremony surprise live.
And on the 5th, I was up early in the morning to intrude on that graduation ceremony but looking back, I’ve been doing this every year for 12 years now. It’s all passed in the blink of an eye, really.
I’ve honestly never thought that I would really live till this point in my life.
Initially, because my body has always been weak, it was my goal to live until the age of 30. I lived my life with the idea that I’ll just somehow live to that point in my life. As I neared that age, I’ve picked up a fear that made me think “I don’t want to die”, but the moment I celebrated that 30th birthday, that fear instantly disappeared, leaving a strange feeling that I still remember even now.
What should I say… I don’t know how I should express this but the fear completely disappeared. Despite that I was so afraid when it came to death, together with the relief and the thought that “Somehow, I’ve managed to get this far…”, born was a new emotion that had me thinking that I will live my life in a way that will leave me no regrets regardless of when I die, since it’ll be the rest of my life from that point on,
Since that day, whenever I wake up, I’m thankful that I’m alive.
When I wake up, I’ll definitely think 【I’m still alive today…】. In the past, when I spoke to my friends about this, they’ve said that I’m thinking too much, or that no one thinks like that as they live their lives, but that, to me, is probably because they’re people who were born with healthy bodies, or perhaps they’ve never experienced the fear of death before, be it through illness or accidents.
I suppose being able to live like that is a blessing in itself but to me, as someone with a weak constitution, it’s a story that I’m far removed from. However, even now, I don’t think that this me, who can think like this, is a bad one. Right now, the reason why I’m training like this and managing my health at the same time is not because I fear death, instead, it’s because I want to be able to do whatever I like until I die.
During my stay in Japan at that time, a friend of mine passed away.
He had a bad habit. I’ve seen him overeating and over-drinking many times and I’ve also warned him against it. I’ve warned him “You’ll really die if you continue like this” numerous times, but as always, he’d say “You sure are right about that〜” without any sign of wanting to change. Of course, its his own life. I’ve no right to go around imposing my own values on others but even so, I kept saying those words to him simply because he was my friend. And suddenly, I got contacted one early morning, telling me that he has passed away.
What I felt cannot be put into words.
The end comes suddenly. That is something that everyone has to deal with, and is something that everyone will definitely have to experience a few times when they lose a person they cherish. Someone’s passing is a sad thing but for those who have been left behind, there is a lot that they have to think about.
I think that an important thing that one has to think about when the have lost someone, is to consider the kind of state that you, yourself, wants to be in during your final days. And once you’ve formed a clear image of what that is, you need to think about how you need to live your life to arrive at that stage, and after that, what actions you need to take towards that.
A “state of mind” or in other words, “resolve” is something that is built up daily.
In life, we don’t know what will happen without warning, and it is precisely because of this reason that we have to have a firm grip of our own state of mind, or resolve, when facing those moments.
I suppose it’s like, “A life without resolution results in a life of regrets”.
It’s better to have as few regrets as possible. Whatever you do, it’s better to live your life smiling. It’s better to give out words of appreciation instead of complaints. It’s better to say words that can save someone instead of words that blame them. Instead of increasing your number of enemies and dying, it’s better to have lots of friends who come and send you off in your last days even when you’re gone.
At my age, it might be considered as too early for me to be talking about life, but what I understand at this point is that a firm “resolve” and “state of mind” is necessary in life.
And that is the same emotions that I felt when I visited Tohoku this time time around.
I visited Tohoku to pray for the souls of those who lost their lives during the earthquake that happened on March 11.
It was pretty cold on this day but my local friends who knew that day well uttered the words, “It was much colder back on that day…”. There are areas where reconstruction has progressed quite a lot, and there are still areas where things aren’t complete yet, but despite this, it’s become a lot more beautiful as compared to before.
I remember those times. Back then, I was deliriously doing what I could. If I could help even one person, I took action. Many of my friends agreed with this and acted together with me. There were also some heartless people who attacked me with unspeakable things but I did all that I could. Anyway, it was frantic. And during those days, I time and again felt how small I really am.
I prayed at all the locations I visited.
There were things that should be forgotten and things that cannot be forgotten. However, what I can say, without a doubt, is that what happened on that day is one that cannot simply be left as a record of a past. To those who lost their lives in this tragedy, this is linked to the many things that we can learn and apply in future, thing that those of us who are alive now can do, and must do.
if we can learn to be thankful that we’re alive now, in this moment, we will be able to do what we can in even more earnest. It’s not a complicated thing. Because I believe that you’ll be able to meet friends who can sincerely find happiness in the small joys of life.
When I looked at the tired, sleeping faces of my band members on the bullet train home I, for some reason, felt reassured.
The following day, I left Japan and went to KL, Jakarta, Bali, and now, I’ve finally arrived in Manilla.
Once I had time, memories of all kinds of events came back in my mind like a wave.
Is that why I want to keep busy… No, times like these are definitely precious moments.
To think that I’ve reached an age where I can think about things like this… If that’s the case, then growing older isn’t that bad. Is this what the world considers to be a person who’s at peace… This is probably just right for someone as aggressive as me.
it’s been awhile since I’ve started writing like this non-stop so I’ll end here today.
From the bottom of my heart, I hope that everyone will be able to spend this day with lovely smiles.
I hope you’ll live your life with a wonderful smile.
Source: GACKT Blog
Translation: GACKT ITALIA Team
Translation © GACKT ITALIA